Doubt

Everyone has moments of doubt.  Sometimes we doubt ourselves, each other, the equipment we use at our jobs or at school.  Doubt can be experienced anywhere.  But what about doubting God?  I have doubted way more than I feel I should.  Three specific times come to mind when I have doubted God when I shouldn't have.

 The first big time that I doubted God was actually setting up this blog.  I have wanted to set up a blog like this for a long time now (about 8 years).  This year in school, 10th graders have a year-long project to do.  We were to think of what we wanted to do over the summer, and discuss it with our parents.  Every time I discussed it with my parents, I would tense up because I wanted this for a long time and for them not to like it would crush me.  So I would let them do most of the talking and about mid summer it looked like my project would be doing a family tree.  I doubted that God wanted me to do a blog so I went along with them.  Then one week when I was at camp, I got enough courage to tell my cabin what I wanted to do and everyone liked my idea!  After that week, I started praying for God to give me the strength to talk to my parents about it.  But every time I would  try to talk to them, I would tense up and just sit there.  Again, I slowly started to doubt that God wanted me to have a blog.  Then one week in church we were talking about listening to God and following his plan. That night I cried in my sleep because I knew it was time to talk to my parents about this.  After a lot of back and forth between us, they finally started to see what I was talking about and they agreed to the blog.  Now I have no doubt that this is what God wanted me to do for my personal project.

The second time was with my new phone.  Every two years my family upgrades our phones and in past years we have gotten them for free.  This year, however, was going to be one of the first times we would have to pay for a phone.  This put my parents in a lot of stress over money and we needed the phones soon because I was using my dad's old old phone since I had dropped mine in a puddle.  One day out of frustration about the phones, I prayed that my phone would be free so I didn't have to burden my parents.  I prayed about this for two more days until we actually went to the phone store to look at phones.  I gave up hope that the phone I wanted was going to be free so I told my parents I would settle for a cheap free phone.  Then for a couple of weeks nothing happened and I went on with my life.  One day we got a package with our phones and I saw that the phone I wanted was in there and my parents told me that mine and my brother's phone were free!  When I was in my room later that night, I couldn't stop thanking God for this even when I doubted that it was possible.

The most recent time when I felt doubt in God was when I wanted to go to New York with my school orchestra to play at Carnegie Hall.  We also will get to sightsee a little, too.  I wanted to go so badly, but my parents didn't want me to.  They were worried since I have never left the state by myself before and I would be the only one in my family to go to New York.  The week before the paperwork and part of the money was due, I started praying that I can go.  That week I gave my mom attitude ( never a good idea because nothing good comes from attitude!) and she refused to sign the forms.  After that, I gave up all hope of going because the registration was full.  Then a couple of weeks ago my mom talked to the orchestra teacher and the travel agency and  now I am the first one on the waiting list if someone drops out for any reason.  I just have to not give my mom attitude - something always easier said then done!  Now I am praying everyday for God to help me with my attitude so my parents will let me go and that I will be able to go to New York.